It was suggested I should post more of my success in real estate. "Why don't you post your clients' closings or pending sales? You could get more views by doing that."
My answer is simple: Because I protect my client's privacy. But maybe it's overly simplistic, so I'd like an opportunity to humbly explain. While I will happily reshare a post I've been tagged in or be in a picture with excited buyers or sellers if they ask, my niche for real estate is people in crisis. I am a trauma-informed survivor, mother, volunteer and real estate Broker. I understand the emotions and how to be gentle in all that's involved with my clients' decision to move. I work with many women escaping abusive situations. I work with families in mourning, often trying to navigate greedy relatives while sorting through confusing piles of paperwork, trying to make sense of what was left behind. I work with people who are forced to move due to economic reasons and are leaving their dream home to face the unknown. I work with couples going through divorces that have the entire feelings wheel activated at all times. I meet people where they are with grace and without judgment, help them get to where they need to go.
I help them navigate the difficulties of a sale, while being the voice of comfort and reason. I am counselor, friend, confidant, and advisor through the mess. Being honored with the blessing of advocating on their behalf during such a transitional time in their life is not for sale. I'm not going to capitalize on their tears and ask them to hold a 'best realtor ever' sign while they walk through their childhood home for the last time.
I don't say this in judgment or superiority to other agents, but in explanation of why I value my clients privacy over my next deal. I used to be that agent that shared the photos, posting my clients everywhere, biting at the bit, excited for the right time to ask them to take a picture during signing. Until one day, about 7 years ago, I received a call from a client, panicked that my business partner had posted a photo of the house with the words SOLD over it. Our client, sobbing, begged me to get my partner to take the photo down. She explained that she had a PPO against her EX and she didn't want him to know she had sold until she could get out of the house. (We did not use a for sale sign for the same reason.) I could hear her physically shaking in fear through the phone. I apologized profusely. She had asked at closing that we not do it and I did expect him to go against that request. He took it down, not recognizing why it was so important and it was the last transaction I did with him.
From that point forward, my goal was to always put my clients before my marketing. When my clients purchase a home, you won't know about it. If my clients sell, you'll see the marketing, but not when it goes under contract or when it sells. I value the relationship and privacy of my clients and want to give them the power, just as they have for all decisions through the transaction, to make that decision for themselves. It is especially important for those emerging from a crisis to feel in control of the sale.
If you are an agent, you might ask - How is working with victims of trauma or tragedy different than regular clients? Here's a quick list of things that I make sure I'm aware of as we go through the process.
1. Decision Fatigue & Emotional Triggers
Clients with trauma may struggle with decision-making, especially if past experiences involved a lack of control over their lives. They may have many questions, or forget the answers to questions you've already answered. Selling a home tied to a difficult past—such as a home shared with an abuser or their childhood home—can bring up complex emotions, from relief to grief. Be patient if they hesitate, change their mind, or need extra reassurance. Offer clear, step-by-step guidance and minimize pressure by breaking the process into manageable pieces. It's always good practice to follow up their questions in an email they can refer back to. Understand that they will have moments where anxiety will over-rule the ability to communicate.
2. Privacy & Safety Concerns
For clients leaving an abusive situation, confidentiality is critical. They may need extra precautions regarding their personal information, such as withholding details from public records, using a P.O. box for mail, or ensuring that their new address remains private. When listing a home, be mindful of photos and descriptions that could reveal too much, and when helping them buy, confirm that their new home location is secure and aligns with any legal protections they have in place. Sometimes, there may be a need to block a predator from entering the home. Be ready to set some extra parameters, like asking for pre-approvals before approving showings or avoiding open houses where the abuser could walk-through the home.
3. Sensitivity in Communication
Trauma survivors may have heightened anxiety or be wary of new people. Be mindful of your tone and body language, and avoid speaking in ways that could feel too pushy or dismissive of their concerns. Some may need more frequent check-ins for reassurance, while others might prefer more independence. Let them set the pace, and always ask before sharing their information with lenders, inspectors, or other parties. If you are comfortable, with each communication and before diving into the details, ask if it's a good time to talk. If their head is a mess, they won't retain any information and may lash out at you. Give them space to talk, if needed.
4. Financial Considerations & Stability
Many survivors, particularly those leaving abusive relationships, may have financial setbacks, such as poor credit, limited income, or unfamiliarity with handling major transactions alone. For a death in the family, there may be a need to have legal documents or proceedings if a trust wasn't in place. They may need referrals to financial advisors, assistance navigating mortgage options, or reassurance that they can rebuild their stability. Encouraging financial and legal empowerment without overwhelming them is key.
5. Trauma-Informed Advocacy
Beyond real estate, you may be one of the few professionals they trust during this transition. Providing connections to legal aid, domestic violence resources, or mental health support (if they ask or need it) can make a huge difference. Even just affirming their feelings are valid and they deserve a safe, fresh start can be incredibly impactful.
Helping a client who has experienced trauma or abuse requires extra care, patience, and sensitivity. The real estate process can be overwhelming even in the best circumstances, and for someone with a history of trauma, certain aspects—such as decision-making, financial discussions, or even revisiting a past home—can trigger emotional and sometimes physical, distress. Be there as their trust-worthy guide and real estate expert without using them for the next viral marketing post.