How to Stay Disciplined with ADHD

How to Be Disciplined with ADHD

I have no problem waking up at 5 a.m. when I remember to go to bed at 9:30 p.m. I have no problem working out when I can do it before the kids wake up. I have no problem studying the Bible when I don’t have a lot of pressure on my day.

But what happens on the days that I can’t get up at 5 a.m.? What happens when Charlotte wakes up on the wrong side of the bed? What happens when I have a jam-packed schedule and every second matters? That’s when my ADHD kicks in. That’s when my executive functioning and dissociation tell me to sit down and not even bother. I’ve been studying the ‘cheat codes’ available for ADHD—ways to work with my brain instead of against it.

What truly helps when AuDHD (comorbid autism and ADHD) symptoms mentally and physically stop me in my tracks? When I know I’m drowning in social media to avoid real life? I wish those who don’t struggle with this neurodivergence could truly grasp what we face daily. I call it a difference because I’m not convinced we are disabled or disordered—I believe our brains are extraordinary in a world that doesn’t allow them to thrive. I’m also blessed (said with a bit of sarcasm) with PTSD and anxiety. Some days, I want to give up because the mental effort to mask and appear as a ‘normal’ adult is more exhausting than anything physical I’ve ever done. In fact, I’d love a physically demanding job just to exhaust my body enough that my brain doesn’t have time to overthink.

My Biggest Struggles:

1. Time Management – I can lose hours in a day and then rush to catch up. If I have an event in the middle of the day, I hyperfocus on it, making it hard to get anything done beforehand. My days either need to be fully scheduled or completely open—there’s no in-between.

2. Impulsivity – Adderall helps the most with this. Without it, I start 12 projects in one day, only to leave them unfinished for months until overwhelming shame forces me to complete them. The amount of money I’ve wasted on apps and subscriptions I forgot about is embarrassing.

3. Two Modes: Race Car or Potato – I’m either going 100 mph or completely shut down. I can hyperfocus on productive tasks, but when I crash, it’s full-on exhaustion. The only way I get out of ‘potato mode’ is through anxiety or shame over missing a deadline.

4. Social Cues – I’m learning this is why I’ve been hurt so often. It’s not that people intentionally harm me—it’s that I completely miss their subtle signals. I stay in relationships too long, smothering people with love, not realizing they’ve already emotionally checked out. ADHD can cause us to ‘love bomb’ unintentionally, but unlike narcissists, we do it because we genuinely care—not to manipulate.

People say, just set your phone down. Some days, it feels like the never-ending handkerchief scene from Girl Shy (recreated in Benny & Joon). I tell myself out loud, Just put the phone down, Sarah! but my brain responds, Just one more TikTok, as if the secrets to life will suddenly be revealed.

The Search for Discipline:

I’ve spent the last year researching neuroplasticity and psychology, searching for answers to these questions:

• Can I heal my brain?
• Can I rewire my neural connections?
• Can I teach myself social cues?
• Can I counteract time mismanagement?

While I’m finding ways to cope, the statistics about neurodivergence are sobering:

• 37.5% of neurodivergent women in the U.S. have experienced abuse in relationships, compared to 5.6% of neurotypical women.
• Neurodivergent adults are 9 times more likely to commit suicide than neurotypicals, and 66% have contemplated it.
• The unemployment rate for neurodivergent individuals is 30-40% due to struggles with corporate policies, social rules, and being perceived as challenging authority.

What’s Helping Me:

1. Auto-Pay Everything – The only exceptions are property taxes and car registration.
2. Strict Morning Routine (5 a.m.–9 a.m.) – This helps me avoid executive dysfunction, though it gets derailed if the kids wake up early or get sick.
3. Time Management App – Reminders keep me focused and prevent spiraling into an overwhelming to-do list.
4. Time-Blocking Everything – I schedule even small tasks like drive time and meal prep. This structure reduces anxiety.
5. Listening to My Gut – I used to think my gut was just anxiety, but now I recognize it as an incredible pattern-recognition tool. When I ignore it, I get hurt.
6. Authenticity Over Masking – Masking takes a mental toll that leaves me drained for days. I’ve stopped pretending to fit in because my energy is better spent elsewhere.
7. Boundaries – I no longer overshare with people who don’t deserve access to my vulnerabilities. If someone thinks I’m ‘too much,’ they’re simply not enough for me.
8. Grace for Others – Understanding my neurodivergence helps me extend grace to others while still protecting my peace.

I’m learning to work with my brain rather than fight it. I’m discovering ways to build discipline that feels natural instead of forced. If you’re struggling with ADHD, AuDHD, or neurodivergence in general—know that you’re not broken. You just need tools designed for the way your brain thrives, not how society expects you to function.